Last weekend was craaaaaaazzzyyy. Wanna know why? Four of my best girls decided to all get
married on the same day—yup, the dreaded but also long awaited April 27, 2019. This
is in addition to the million other weddings that took place all over the
country on that same day, it was suffocating I tell you, I mean, did someone
blow the whistle? While I couldn’t have been more excited, the emotional
torture I had to endure last weekend as a single, mid 20s Nigerian female was
out of this world.
First was everyone with the usual question of “aaaah, ole
kwanu mgbe anyi na-abia nke gi”(when are we coming for your own wedding?) Of
course i had to reply them with this baby girl plastic smile on my face when
deep down all I really wanted do was bitch slap somebody’s face. So just
because four of my close friends are getting married all at once, it is
expected that I must have caught whatever bug that must have been flying around
too baa? Who’s going to tell these people that this thing isn’t Rotavirus, and
no, cupid doesn’t fly around here in Nigeria either cos’ this our weather will
just burn the poor baby’s skin.
Now as if that wasn’t enough to endure, two of the weddings
were in Lagos and my parents refused to let me travel to Lagos. I don’t know
what was more frustrating, the fact that I’m a mid 20s grown ass woman who’s
earning her own money, but can’t travel out of her state cos’ she’s under her
parent’s roof, or the fact that I was also really looking forward to meeting
one of “our” fiance’s (our fiancé here being my friend’s fiancé please) friends
who is a total hunk by the way, or the kind of excuses they were giving as to
why I couldn’t travel—“Lagos is too far, the roads are bad, the weather is bad,
it’s too rowdy over there, you’ll get lost, what if you’re kidnapped??” Heeii o
kwa unu ahula nu nsogbu bikonu(see me see trouble abeg), first of all, I’m not
a kid so I can’t be “kidnapped”, adultnapped maybe, but not kidnapped.
Secondly, why do you guys think that it’s only me that kidnappers will see and
come for, who am I? who are you? what is all this?
To crown it all, I didn’t get the memo on the rules of
engagement between married & non-married friends. Before the wedding, I’d
usually talk with these my friends every day, I mean every single day, even if
it’s just a hello & hi to check in on each other. People of God, do you
know it’s been like 2 days since the wedding, no one has replied my messages,
no one has returned my calls. Me, I’m
just sitting over here, one hand crouched under my jaw, thinking to myself “nna nawa ooo, eez this how this thing use to
be?”
I sha didn’t realize how lonely I was till today when I found
myself legit trying to get the attention of a 6 year old. I just wanted her to
come play with me but even she ma did not have my time.
Nobody has my time again *in Onyi’s voice* *sobs*. But it’s
alright, I’ll just stay here entertaining y’all with my stories.
On the bright side, April 27 has finally come and gone and
some of us didn’t die. Somebody shout hallelujah!