So I’m at the salon getting my hair done when these 3
friends walk in. One came to get her hair done while the other two came for a
manicure. They looked like your everyday slay queens (and I don’t mean that in
a derogatory way, I mean, they were pretty, dressed nice, etc). They seemed to
be having some heated conversation, I could see that all 3 of them were talking
at the same time, each person obviously trying to prove her own point.
I really don’t like to eavesdrop,(infact scrap that, who
doesn’t?) but it couldn’t be helped—they were sitting within hearing distance from
where I was. I sensed some hot gossip was on the way and I wasn’t wrong. Now
for the purpose of this story, I’m just going to give our friends befitting
names so that we can all keep up with the flow of events, okay? Okay.
So, we’ll call the girl who came to make her hair(and our
main character here) “Sister Chi-Chi”. The other two friends will be “Aunty-voice-of-reason”
and “Mama-Hoe”. So back to the story.
Their conversation was still on-going and getting more
heated now, and what was the issue? The issue was Sister chi-chi had been
having an affair with one dude like that. I say “affair” because the dude in
question apparently had a girlfriend(*in Falz’s voice*). We’ll just refer to
the dude as “brother-with-the-bae” from here onwards. Thing is,
brother-with-the-bae was claiming to be in love with sister chi-chi and was “planning”
on breaking off things with his girlfriend.
At this point, I saw this lady hawking some nice fresh
looking golden brown buns, so I bought some, and fortunately for me she also
had groundnuts, so I added those too, simply because I love buns and groundnut,
nothing more!(no plot twist here). Anyway, back to the story.
Aunty voice-of reason kept trying to talk some sense into Sister chi-chi, talking about how the whole situation was all shades of wrong,
and how brother-with-the-bae had been spinning the same line of breaking up
with his girlfriend for months now while still stringing her along as his side
chick, and adviced her to just come to her senses already and cut off things
with him. Mama-Hoe on the other hand was like she freaking had no idea why they
were all getting worked up and left for her to say, it was perfectly okay for
sister to have a fling with the dude and you know? just have fun, as long as she didn’t catch feelings
afterwards, and after all, she wasn’t the one who went after him, he knew he had
a girlfriend before he started making advances towards her.
Now of course Sister chi-chi did what most girls in her
situation would do. She started defending him and picking out reasons
to justify the whole thing, reciting that anthem of “he cares about me really,
and it’s not with his words but it’s in the little things he does like taking
care of me when I’m sick and surprising me with these nice cute gifts from time
to time, and we have this connection and it feels so real,etc etc” Yup, we all
know that anthem, the title is "Self-denial". Basically, she was manifesting
signs and symptoms of someone in denial—talking about how brother-with-the-bae
said he needed a little bit more time so he could come up with a way to gently
break the news to his girlfriend because he didn’t want to hurt her.
I sighed deeply and kinda whispered softly to myself, “nne,
it’s either you’ve been d**kmatized or your brain is leaking somewhere.😐😐
I had
this sudden wave of mixed feelings overcome me. On one hand, I was low-key
angry, and I wasn’t really sure whom the anger was directed at, brother-with-the-bae?
or Sister chi-chi? At the same time, I felt sad for her because in being
totally honest, I could totally relate to what she was going through, I mean,
haven’t we all been the “other woman” at some point? Whether knowingly or
unknowingly? I sha know I have(story for another day).
Their voices faded into the
background as I became lost in my own thoughts and memories of my own
experience started coming back. It’s a really shitty situation to be in, trust
me. I mean, it’s like you have this big black ditch in front of you, and you’re
consciously walking towards it. You know you’re going to fall inside if you don’t
turn back, but you just keep walking till you eventually fall in, and then you
realize you’re trapped with no way out. You keep living in self-denial, even
when the truth is staring you right in the eye. In my own case, I realized I’d
hit rock bottom when the dude in question legit looked me in the eye and
told me I really do deserve better than what I’m putting up with from him😅😅. Don’t
you think it’s funny how sometimes, and I mean sometimes, even the devil might
get tired of your bullshit. That was it for me, that was when I knew it couldn’t
possibly get any worse than what it already was.
You see, the truth is guys are never confused about who they
want to be with. He’s not going to leave his girlfriend for you, so don’t get
your hopes up, and even if somehow he does, would you really be happy with that kind of person, I mean, if he could do it to her, who’s to say he won’t do the same
to you someday as well. It’s too much baggage to carry around, he’ll never
fully be yours and you’ll never forgive yourself for hurting your fellow girl
that way, I mean there’s an unspoken GIRL CODE, plus let’s not forget, karma is
a bitch.
My hair was sha done and it was time for me to go. I turned and
looked at Sister chi-chi one last time, and I had this sudden urge to walk over
to her and say, “I’ve been where you are right now and I can totally understand,
but the thing is, there are few men around you can actually bond with, so it
becomes difficult to let go of the guy you genuinely like but is UNAVAILABLE.
The connection you feel for him is true, but it is misplaced, so rein it in
mama, he’s not yours. Dig your feet in, and just let it go. This is a test on
self respect, self love, self confidence and strong will, and you must pass.
But also remember that letting go of him is the easy part, the real struggle is going to be forgiving yourself, that’s where the work needs to be done, so you have to
make a conscious effort to forgive yourself, every day, and as many times as you
need to, till you find your way back to that safe abode that is YOU. Lose him,
but don’t lose yourself in the process, you can’t let him win both ways.” But I
sha decided to mind my business😶.
I paid for my new hair-do and left. I’ll definitely be
visiting that salon again, I got my money’s worth.😀😀
Alma Rosenfield