I just
finished watching an episode of “THE FLASH”. It’s a seasonal movie, and I’m pretty sure
most of us know or have watched cartoons, or read comics of “THE FLASH”, you
know? Fastest man alive, super hero(though fictional) , etc etc.(Note to Usain Bolt: no offence, I’m a great fan and all, but
errm, it’s “the flash” we’re talking about here).
Anyways, this
isn’t a review of the movie, neither is this me trying to advertise the movie,
I mean, it already has good reviews. Ok, sorry, I’m digressing again. So, I
just finished watching an episode, I think it was episode 10, and two scenes
caught my attention. In the movie, Iris(played by Candice Patton) is dating
Detective Eddy Thawne(played by Rick Cosnett) who happens to be Detective Joe
West’s(played by Jesse L. Martin) (Iris’s dad) partner.
The first
scene happens when Eddy and Iris are out on a lunch date per say, and it’s the
day before christmas, you know?with all the festivities and gift giving going
on. Eddy pulls out a little black box and gives it to Iris to open(he wanted to
give his gift early), and she has this look of “oh my! Could it be what I think
it is?( trust me, I had the same look on my face too as I watched that scene).
She opens it and finds a key, the key to Eddy’s house. Eddy goes all “we’ve
been dating for a year now and I think it’s the right time and all that other
stuff guys say”. Long story short, he asks her to move in with him, and I’m
like “whooaah! I didn’t see that coming, but on second thought, I’m like WTF!
The other
scene that gets my attention is where Iris is packing her stuff getting ready
to leave for Eddy’s house, Eddy comes over to pick her up and all. Get this,
her Dad actually helps her pack her stuff up and get ready, then there’s this
really mushy part where she’s saying goodbye to her dad with the hugs and the
“awww, I’m gonna miss you……you know you can always come and visit when you want
to” etc. At this part, I’m like STOP THE FREAKING BUS!!! These white folks are
not serious, they have everything too easy.
Seriously???
You’re moving in with your boyfriend, and your dad is cool with it, heck!he’s
even helping you pack your stuff, and y’all are bidding each other goodbye with
the tears and the hugs and all??
Okay, hold
up! Let’s take that back a bit, change the setting to Africa,no, no, let’s
bring it home a bit…Nigeria. Let’s picture the same scenario happening with
your normal everyday Nigerian parents: Your boyfriend of 1year has just given
you your own set of keys to his house and asked you to move in with him. You
tell your dad and he’s cool with it, he’s happy for you, he helps you pack your
stuff, and your baby boo of life comes to the house, picks you up and you both
zoom off into the sunset…don’t forget the part where your dad is cool with all
of this oo.
I don’t know
about you guys, but I think I know how that scene is going to play out in my
own house. I pictured it and it went something like this:
Me: Daddy, my
boyfriend just gave me my own set of keys to his house as a christmas present
and guess what?? He’s asked me to move in with him. (please picture the excited
school girl grin on my face)
Dad: *brings out
shotgun*…… *cocks gun*
GUNSHOT!!!
Me: *then there’s
me lying dead on the floor*
Dad(calling out to my Mum):
Nwunye m, biko bia ka anyi muta nwa ozo, ekwensu ewerego nke a. (My
wife, please come let us make another child, the devil has claimed this one for
himself).
Yup, that’s
how it’s gonna play out in my house(though, it could be worse).
Watching those two scenes made me laugh at the
thought of how different we Africans are compared to our white counterparts, I
mean, that kind of stuff doesn’t just happen, no sane parent would allow it. If
you’ve been dating a guy for a year, they’re waiting to hear you say he’s given
you a small box with a ring in it and asked you to marry him, and not he’s
given you a big box with a key in it and asked you to move in with him, so you
guys can what?continue your fuckery?
It’s a
different thing living in your boyfriend’s house without your parents knowing, heck,
most times, they might not even know you have a boyfriend, but walking up to
them and boldly telling them your boyfriend has asked you to move in with him
like it’s something you’ve been hoping and waiting for?? Hell naaw!that shit
ain’t gonna go down well with African parents.
The thing is,
despite the changing times, Africa has managed to hold on to one thing—CULTURE.
There are just certain things that aren’t done. We Africans take pride in our
culture.
Then I ask
myself, what would I do if my child told me she was moving in with her
boyfriend? First of all, I’d most likely imagine the thought of them f***ing
around in a house far away from me, testing new theories to add to the laws of
Kama Sutra( which by the way, has been my life long ambition). When I realize I
can’t have them doing that(i.e, beating me to publishing the latest edition of
“The Laws of Kama Sutra”), I’d probably do like my dad did, oh, and I will shoot
both of them.
So what about
you, what would your parents do if you told them you were moving in with your
boyfriend, or what would you do if your child told you she was moving in with
her boyfriend?