" The worst thing ever is being a girl"
I saw this on my friend's Twitter bio some days ago and I couldn't agree more. I love females, but honestly I feel that the worst thing ever is being a girl. A woman is such a complex creature. Infact I postulate that they don't comprehend themselves at times. I am of the opinion that a woman's actions even confuse her herself.
For the purpose of this article, a girl is a young woman in high school or in the University.
So, I am a student in the University of Nigeria. In my school, there are beautiful girls, depending on what you see beautiful as. The babes on campus can make you skip lectures just to chat them up. Some of the sisters here can have you proclaiming like Kanye "you're the girl( real beauty) that Jesus has been saving me for". To the Kim haters in the building: no, he wasn't referring to her when he wrote that line of rap, he was still with Amber Rose at the time I think. Anyways, I'm digressing, forgive me.
Let me now table my grudges for you my beloved reader to see. I will call the girl I'm currently writing about BOOTY, if you have a problem with the name, go write your own article. So, Booty had a cute type butt. She was not exactly a "9". You'd mostly notice her because she was fair, not the whitenecious kind of fair, she was light skinned. Who isn't a sucker for the light skinned? Please go to some other page on the internet....this blog post is not for you.
Booty and I had the same circle of friends so it wasn't long before we became relatively close. I must state here that I am a man of principle. I do not ask females for their phone numbers immediately I meet them. I have this prejudice that once you request for her digits, she immediately goes all offensive on your ass, like you're going to start chasing her up and down. So I wait a bit because, duuh, I almost always want to chase your ass, plus I believe in the whole fate and chance thing.
We started hanging out, like once a week despite our busy lecture schedules and stuff. We spoke a lot too. My nights were green with envy because they all wondered how I could snag such a catch.
I liked Booty. She was comfortable with me. She obviously enjoyed my company, I could decipher that much. She never really called me much. One fateful day, she was feeling kinda down and decided that she needed someone to cheer her up, so she hit a nigga up, meehnn, I was overjoyed. I wanted to fly to the moon but I was not going to be a "Ted Mosby".
We talked like we were dating that night, moist conversation and all. We even met that night, she held my waist and kept bumping into me the whole time. At a point during our walk, she was looking into my eyes and holding me, inviting me, I could swear she even tiptoe. I'm 6"1 and she's a 5"something. See green light. She hesitated at the last moment after your guy had swooped in for the kiss. Trust me, I sharply turned it into a hug with some low key pecking. We were like that for a while. It was bound to get awkward after but I expertly avoided the eerie silence. I kept her laughing till I dropped her at her hostel. So why am I vexing now? Everything seems fine abi?
Stay tuned for Webisode 2
WEBISODE 2
Things stayed just fine between us, Booty and I, just fine. The whole while, I was bidding time so that I wouldn't have read the signs wrongly. We hung out more than ever, laughed, did dumb shit infront of each other, bared our hearts and stuff. Therein lies my grievance. Amidst all this, she started hinting that she was low key dating some other nigga, or some other nigga was hitting my BOOTY's booty, pun intended. Unbelievable!!!
She suddenly started spending her weekends at a friend's place, a friend I'd never heard of before then. If Booty had simply friend-zoned a nigga, boys for no too vex. I for just pay duck-up fee to the council (you're actually supposed to pay each time you did intentionally end up in the friend zone). She stopped calling and started forming activity for me. She just became unavailable, see life!
Proud nigga like me, I started ranting to my guys. After the advice from " Awons Goons Mi", I decided to stop calling too. Just decided to chill for a bit, create small scarcity of my attention, she'd definitely hit me up when she needed to. 6 weeks went by, 8 week's, no show. I eventually called her this evening after 65 days( yes, I'd been counting, and no, I'm not a pussy). We'd seen like four random times on thnose eight weeks. So Booty picked my call and out conversation went like this:
Me: Babe how far?
Booty: I'm good oo, long time. How are you?
Me: Been alright, caught up with school work...speaking of school, are you on campus?
Booty: Yes o, I am, but I'm not in my hostel
*I could already tell because there was noise in the background where she was....*
Me: I guessed so, so what exactly are you up to?
Booty: Ehm, I'm somewhere
In My Mind: wtf!
Me: I heard the first time, where did you say you are?
Booty: *unknowingly* Guy free me abeg
In My Mind: quackery
She realized I'd heard her and hung up. She immediately switched off her phone. Let me copy and paste Mama Peace's press conference:
Chaaiee Chaaiee, theories Godooo.....
What did I ever do to deserve such? I'd been super humanly nice, funny, interesting, intelligent. Why in the name of God would you lead a brother on just to cut him off like this? This nigga never hoped around or anything like that. At the end of the day, I don't really know what or who to blame this on.
I can only assert that the WORST THING EVER IS BEING A GIRL, although in retrospect, I think I should have captioned this article something else.
Labels: Life and Times of Al